Midnight Tinker
by YouLittleRat
Summary: Kowalski has a brand new invention! But unfortunately, nobody knows what it does. (Please review)


"Quick! In here!"

"He's coming!"

Shooting down the hall of an unknown building the penguins sharply turn on their bellies, entering an enormous refrigerator and then closing the door. Savio slithers to a stop outside.

"You've run into a little corner mi amigosss. Letss ssee how much of the cold penguins really _can_ stand." He curls up comfortably and watches the door in anticipation.

"He's waiting for us, we need another exit. Rico! Make a door!"

"No!" Kowalski stops Rico, shoving the dynamite back down, "In such a small area as this the blast surely would harm us."

"Then you get us out of here!" orders Skipper.

"Oh, uh… right! Tunneling would take too much time… same with drilling through the walls…"

"Hurry Kowalski! Even penguins can freeze to death," cries Private.

"I'm faced with no choice, I'm going to have to… _invent!_"

"Do it man, do it!"

"Right-ho Skipper," murmurs Kowalski into his pillow. The penguins aren't cornered in a large refrigerator by Savio the snake. They're safe at home, tucked into their little bunks. "Rico, hand me that laser," continues Kowalski, reaching out to grasp the imaginary object. He rolls out of bed and splats onto the ground. "Private, _don't_ look directly at it." With eyes still closed he stands and stumbles across the room. Walking straight into the door to his lab he steps back, opens it and carries on inside. A moment later the sound of power tools rumble within.

Kowalski's eyes bat open. He pries his face off his workbench and grimaces at the puddle of drool he's collected. "What am I doing here? Why- Ah! Skipper!" Kowalski jumps away from his commanding officer, appearing at his side and glaring up at him.

"What time is it soldier?"

"Uh, I don't know."

"It's O-five hundred. Now what time is lights out?"

"Skipper I swear, I went to bed the same time as everybody else-"

"Don't play coy with me! You were doing geek-time during sleep-time. I can't afford having you drowsy on the field! You know that! Now march back to bed!"

"But-"

"March!" Kowalski trudges back to bed. But back in the lab, on the workbench, lays a mysterious object. That object had not been there before.

"-tch- Blast!" Private smacks the side of the electric can-opener in frustration. "Rico?" Rico looks up; its morning and they're the only ones in the room. "Do you have a spare can-opener?"

Rico shrugs. "**Kowalski?**" He points to Kowalski's laboratory.

"Good idea, I'll ask him." Private waddles in. It's dark and eerie inside, and more than once did Private jump at something he bumps into unexpectedly. "Kowalski?" There's no answer, but he does come across Kowalski's workbench and on it sits a strange, new object. "Hullo, that looks like a can-opener," he picks it up. He brings it back to the other room and to the tin can he's fussing with. Attempting to attach it, his flipper slips against a button and there's a blinding flash of light. The can disappears. "Gah!" Private cries and flings the object away. It rises into the air and to the center of the room. Both Private and Rico duck behind the table.

"**What is it?**" Private shakes his head. The object lingers near the ceiling for a moment, then powers down and sinks to the floor. Once it's down Private creeps out to it. He lifts his foot and taps it. It topples over. He screams bloody murder and leaps back behind the table. The object lays still.

"Oh," Private nervously giggles, "nothing happened." Rico nudges Private and gestures to a discarded metal pan. He nods and they both grasp it. Under their breath they count to three. They bolt out of their hiding place and pounce onto the object. With it contained they cheer and high-five. Then, underneath the pan, something slams against the metal.

"**Uh-oh,**" says Rico. The object shoots up into the air, taking the pan and the two penguins hanging on with it. It smashes into the ceiling, cracking the cement with the boys' skulls. Then it drops down a ways, letting them dangle. Before they can get their bearings, the object spins, and spins, and spins. They whizz round and round until their grips slip and they crash into the walls. The object stops and emits another flash of light. Now the pan disappears.

Rico and Private recover from their fall and dash for cover separately. This time, Rico regurgitates a blaster from his stomach and Private pulls one out from a concealed compartment. "**Ready?**" asks Rico.

"Ready!" They open fire. The object dodges and dips their blasts. It swoops aggressively at them, causing Private to wince and Rico to swat angrily. They concentrate their fire closer to each-other and manage to clip it. The next time they catch it in crossfire and it explodes. Private and Rico yell and whoop ecstatically. They run to each-other, link arms and dance in a circle.

"What in the name of sweet holy halibut!" Skipper's voice cuts through the scene. He stands with Kowalski at the foot of the ladder and looks at them, absolutely livid. Rico and Private glance about to see what the matter is and gasp. The entirety of the H.Q. is burnt black from their numerous misfires. The appliances are destroyed and even the fish is smoldering.

"We can explain!"

"**Kowalski!**"

"Kowalski did it!"

"I wasn't even here!"

"It was your invention!"

"My invention?! What did you touch?!"

"Just your can-opener."

"I don't have a can-opener." Kowalski puts a hand under his chin in thought.

"Enough!" shouts Skipper. "Can you all just look at what you've done?! This is a disaster! I want all of you to scrub this place clean by sundown or so help me I'll run drills all night!"

"But Skipper _I_ didn't do any-" starts Kowalski.

"NO BUTS!" With that the penguin climbs the ladder and slams the porthole.

"It's finished!"

"Perfect! Turn it on." Kowalski presses a button on his device and it floats into the air. A flash of light later the penguins are out of the refrigerator and back at home.

"Wow!" exclaims Private, "What is that thing?"

"This," answers Kowalski, holding his device up, "is the Photonic-Teleporter. It uses beams of light to take one thing and make it appear somewhere else. It's got loads of little do-dads too! Such as an obstruction detector which keeps it from being caught anywhere and a danger-avoidance system in case it's under attack."

"I still can't believe you made it in nothing-flat from scraps you found in an old freezer!" Private looks up at him, stars in his eyes.

"**Awesome!**" Rico joins in.

"I'd hate to say this," says Skipper, "but that is one heck of an invention." He pats Kowalski's back.

Kowalski blushes. "Oh it was nothing guys, really."

"I really don't see it eventually leading to the destruction of everything in sight. I don't think I've ever felt that way about one of your inventions before."

"Yes Skipper," Kowalski mumbles into his workbench, his finished invention in his flippers, "I find it highly unlikely anything like that would happen."

The end.


End file.
